Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Mediocrity
by Fanatic Drone N
Summary: A series of snapshots of the life of Team Pokemon, three Explorers out to... explore or something. There's nothing dynamic duo Nick and Pikachu can't handle, except coming up with a creative name for their team. Also Groudon. Oneshot, rated T for swearing and mild alcoholism at Spinda's Café.


**Registration**

"_Pokémon_?" Chatot said, arching an eyebrow. "That's the best you two can do? _Pokémon?_"

The Pikachu nodded, a nervous grin plastered on his face. The Mudkip just stared at the Guildmaster with a deadpan expression, looking blankly at the antics of the fluffy, pink, master explorer in charge of the Guild. Chatot coughed a little to get his attention, but the Mudkip's eyes remained firmly fixed on Wigglytuff.

Chatot sighed a little: He hated new recruits. "Okay… I'll just file this away here… Uh, Guildmaster, you wanna-?'

"Friends!" He yelled out unhelpfully, before turning to stare straight into the Mudkip's little eyes.

"Yeah," Chatot said, hiding a wince. This wasn't one of the Guildmaster's good days. "So! As new recruits, you get a little chest of supplies and badges and such… Um… Guildmaster…?"

"Friends." Wigglytuff said slowly, staring unblinkingly at the Mudkip. "_Friends._"

Chatot sighed again, then dragged the new-team box out from its place behind the chair. As the Pikachu dug through the box excitedly, and the other two continued their staring contest, Chatot picked up their little registry form.

"Congratulations on becoming an official Exploration Team… Team Pokemon." Chatot said, pronouncing it as 'Poke-Mon'.

Pikachu looked up from the chest of goodies. "No, it's Pokémon. Why are you saying it like that?"

"It says 'Pokemon'. You forgot the little thingy above the 'e'."

The Pikachu laughed nervously. "Oh, I guess that was a mistake. Could you just-"

"A typo?" Chatot said, eyes narrowing, "You come in here, ask us to take you in, make you an official, _registered _Exploration Team, and you can't even take things seriously enough to remember the 'e' thingy? An Arceus-damned _typo_ on my official form!"

"_Frieeeeeendssss_…" Wigglytuff said.

"Erm…. Yeah?" The Pikachu said nervously.

"No! No, no, no, no, _no_. I'm not doing this today. You're Exploration Team Pokemon now. Deal with it." Chatot said, throwing his wings up in the air.

The Mudkip broke eye contact with Wigglytuff for the first time in over a minute. "You forgot the 'e' thingy? Seriously, man?"

"Shut up, Nick," The Pikachu hissed to his friend, accepting the Team Pokemon badges and scarves, "It's your fault for not coming up with a better name."

"Anything was better than 'Poké Pals'. And why is this _my_ problem? I've been here three minutes, and I already have to start coming up with names for stuff. You, my good sir, are a poor host."

"Shut up and put on the scarf." The Pikachu growled, tossing the fabric and badge at the Mudkip's head. The badge bounced off and landed on the floor. The scarf just got caught on his fin.

"Funny," The Mudkip said sarcastically, "I seem to remember being a better catch than that."

After fussing around with Nick's scarf for half a minute, Exploration Team Pokemon stood before Chatot and the Guildmaster, Pikachu proudly wearing his little badge, Nick looking like he was going to hang himself with his little purple scarf.

"I have a feeling you two are going to be very successful pains in the ass." Chatot said, returning the Pikachu's ridiculous salute. "I look forward to it."

"_Frieeeeeeeeennnnnnnndddddsss ssss…_"

* * *

**Groudon**

"Oh, Arceus, we're screwed," The Cyndaquil moaned, "We are so _dead_!"

The titanic form of the legendary monster walked closer to them, the whole earth shaking with every footstep. The continent-shifting power of Groudon was evident with every booming footfall that echoed through the canyon.

_**BOOM**_.

"We'll be alright, guys," Pikachu said, bravely standing at the front of the group, staring down the monster, "As long as we can stand together and persevere-"

_**BOOM**_.

"Don't give me that 'Heroic Leader' BS, Pikachu, he's going to _kill _us!" The Cyndaquil moaned, futilely trying to cover her head with her nubby little arms. "Oh, Arceus, not like this, I don't wanna get killed by a ground-type-"

_**BOOM**_.

"Cindy, you need to calm down," Nick said, as the magnitude-6 footstep lifted him an inch or two off the ground, "I mean, I am a water type, and we have plenty of seeds-" Nick paused mid-sentence as another footstep rocked the world. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened as he realized what he said.

"_Cindy_! Oh my God, that's so perfect! Nick, you idiot, why didn't you think of that sooner!? Cindy," He said, turning slightly to face the cowering fire-type, "I'm gonna call you Cindy from now on, 'kay?"

Newly-named 'Cindy' just wailed a little as Groudon bellowed the loudest roar any of them had ever heard. Pikachu's nerve failed a little, and he turned back to Nick with panic creeping into his voice.

"Okay, Nick, throw a sleep seed!" He yelled, as Groudon roared again.

"What? Why don't you throw it?" Nick asked in an offended tone.

"Because you have the bag!"

"Oh yeah… whose idea was that, again?"

"We are not doing this right now; just throw the damn seed already!"

"Okay, Pikachu. I'll just reach in there and throw it at Groudon _with my hands_."

"Use your mouth, you baby!"

Nick the Mudkip, fearless leader of Team Pokemon, rolled his eyes, and slid the Adventure Bag of his shoulders as the creator of all solid earth came up and gave a big whiny spiel about how much they pissed him off. He had gotten the sleep seed halfway in his mouth and wondering how the hell he was supposed to throw this, when Groudon took another titanic step and jarred the earth again, causing him to accidentally bite the seed in half.

Nick had enough time to say "Oh, shi-" Before he passed out on the ground. Cindy screamed and started running in little circles, and Pikachu realized he was an Electric type staring down a Pokémon that literally had 'ground' in the name. Then he realized he knew grass knot.

Nick would later curse that sleep seed for missing what happened next. Groudon took another step forward, bellowing again, when he found himself tripping over an inextricably-located vine that had sprung up around his feet. Now, Groudon has a very low center of gravity, broad feet, and a command over the earth that makes it theoretically impossible to topple, but grass knot is a move, that, by definition, makes things fall. So he fell.

A ridiculous, slow-motion fall of a being so unnaturally heavy that it knocked over vases half a continent away. Groudon landed face-first in the rocky ground, inches away from the slumbering Mudkip, for super-effective grass type damage.

"OHHH…" The monster moaned, its voice petering out, the wind knocked out of it, "WROOOOOoaar…."

A blast of fiery-hot Groudon breath is still quite unsettling, however, so when it struck Nick, he was jarred awake, saw the giant monster trying to get up in front of him, and jumped into the air. He probably would have screamed, but it was drowned out in the giant jet of water that he reflexively fired at the Legendary. The Groudon found himself assaulted by about thirty water cannons at once, and, in raising a hand to shield its face, slipped on the muddied ground and went down again.

At this point, Cindy's panic had turned into blind rage, and she jumped on the giant stabbing wildly with an Iron Spike.

"Um, Cindy, I think we're- Oh, Arceus," Pikachu said, horrified at the fire-types incandescent rage, "It's pretty much done now…" He said falteringly as the Cyndaquil stabbed the downed legendary viciously, screeching like a banshee. Eventually she calmed down a little, and stood on the incapacitated beast's back, breathing heavily, jabbing at the red armor plates every once in a while.

"Well," Nick said brightly as Pikachu stared slack-jawed at the scene of destruction they had wrought, "I thought that went rather well."

* * *

**Spinda's Café**

"No, for the eightieth time, I do not have a gummi _with_ me," Nick said angrily to the swaying Pokémon behind the counter, "I want to buy a drink that already has a gummi in it."

"Sorry, buddy, I can't do that," Spinda said as she wobbled unsteadily, "But if you find a gummi somewhere-"

"Look, it's already late: I am not going out into some Mystery Dungeon to get a blue gummi just so you can mix it! The shop would be closed by then!"

"Don't know what to tell ya, pal."

"Come on! I'll pay you _twice_ what a gummi is worth! How is this a sustainable business model?"

Back at one of the tables, Pikachu sipped his drink slowly, watching his increasingly frustrated partner yell at Spinda. Cindy was going to see if she could get something recycled, but it looked like she had gotten sidetracked and was now busy talking to someone.

He sighed a little, a content smile crossing his face. After the end of a long day, it was nice to come down to Spinda's Café to relax a little over a drink. Especially one of Spinda's more adult beverages: Girl made a mean martini.

Nick came back to the table, walking slowly with his drink awkwardly held in his mouth. "I hade dis down." He mumbled, carefully setting his little apple juice down, "Why do we have to go get everything?"

"I dunno, man" Pikachu said, his voice warbling, "I think you jusht-just-need to calm down a little. Why you alwaysh-always-so sherious-serioush?"

"Maybe it's being turned into a small marshland animal with an electric rat for a best friend. I don't know."

"Electric _moushe_." Pikachu said, irritably.

Nick stared at his drink for twelve seconds, then turned towards Pikachu. "Hey, buddy?"

"Yeah?"

"How am I supposed to drink this?"

The apple juice sat neatly on the table, at eye level with the diminutive Mudkip, far out of reach of his nubby fins. Pikachu shrugged.

"Dunno… maybe you should try an… stand up or something, I dunno."

Nick sighed, then slowly lifted his front fins up on the table, and started to awkwardly sip at it. "This is ridiculous." He complained, giving up after swallowing a few meager mouthfuls. "I can't wait to evolve."

"I'm never evolving!" Pikachu said proudly, "I'm stronger like thish anyway."

"Oh, you got a Light Ball or something?"

"Nope," Pikachu said, pointing at his chest, "I'm shtronger in _here_."

"Ah," Nick said, nodding, "You _swallowed_ a Light Ball."

At this moment, Cindy came back to the table, trying to hold a large oval object in her nubby arms.

"What ish that?" Pikachu asked, squinting at the new acquisition, "What did you recycle for it?"

"No, Pikachu, this is an Egg." She said, setting it down next to Nick's drink, "The guy next to the counter handed it over to me."

Nick stared at the Egg in shock. "Some random person just gave you a _baby_?!"

"Do you think I should bring it back?"

"Hell, no! That guy obviously can't be looking after kids if he just gives them to strangers! Whose egg is it, anyways?"

"Not sure, he didn't say."

"We should tell someone about this! Pikachu, do you know where Officer Magnezone lives?"

"Naw, let'sh keep it!" Pikachu said, "I always wanted to have a kid!"

"Are you two serious? Is this how things work in the Pokémon world?"

"Don't be a shtick in the mud." Pikachu said, taking another mouthful of his drink before continuing, "We'd be a great family! Cindy could be the mommy, you could be the grouchy daddy, and I'd be the fun uncle!"

"You're drunk, Pikachu."

"Well it'sh funny because it's _true_."

There was a second or two of silence.

"What?" Nick asked, an utterly defeated look on his face.

Pikachu giggled a bit. "I don't know, man, I'm drunk."

Nick sighed. "Cindy, could you take this guy back to the Guild? I'll deal with the Egg."

"Whatever you say, 'honey'."

Nick pulled a face. "Don't. Just… don't. Ever again."

* * *

**Bedtime**

Nick and Pikachu were tucked into their little nest thingies at the Guild, slowly falling asleep while listening to the wind outside. Cindy had gone back to… Wherever she lived. They didn't really know.

Pikachu shifted a little on his bead, his eyes wide open, unable to sleep. He was just too curious about his human friend's past.

"Hey… Nick?"

"Mmph."

"You awake?"

"Yeah," The Mudkip said tiredly, "I am now."

"It's just… What was it like, being human?"

"Well, there were a lot of things I don't remember, but also some stuff that I forgot. It was a mixed bag, I presume."

"Is there something you miss?"

"Hands."

"I'm serious."

"So am I. Fins are a pain in the tail."

"Something else."

"The fact that I now use expressions like 'pain in the tail'."

"Nick, come on."

His partner sighed. "I don't know: Food, clothing, beds, walking. Not getting woken up at two in the morning."

"It's not two, Nick, it's a lot closer to midnight."

"Thank you, Pikachu, that makes me feel a lot better. Oh yeah, the giant fin on my head, that's something too."

"Come on, there must be something you like."

"Well, you asked for stuff I missed. I was under the impression that you wanted to hear me complain, but if you want me to say something life-affirming, I can work on that."

"Shut up… Why does everything have to be such a big deal with you?"

"Well, let's stick you in a fish and see how you like it."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Also, the crazy psychotic dream things are pretty annoying."

"Okay, Nick."

"I mean, I don't know about you, but having dimensions screaming in my head all the time is kind of a pain in the ta-"

"I get it! Sorry I asked!"

They passed a few moments in silence as the wind rushed through the trees outside. Pikachu heard a small chuckle from the other bed.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing…" Nick said, smiling in the darkness, "Team 'Poke-Mon'…"

"Oh, lord…"

"It's not actually that bad, Pikachu," Nick said, "It's kind of grown on me."

"Well, I'm happy for you."

"Yeah… I guess there are some good things about living here."

"And just like that, my life is affirmed." Pikachu said, turning onto his side to sleep. "Night, buddy."

"Yeah. Goodnight, Pikachu."

And so, the two founders of Team Pokemon settled in for a good night's sleep, safe and secure in their beds, completely unaware of the shadowy figure standing in the doorway.

"_Friends."_


End file.
